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Current favorite Craptastic Movies:


"Forbidden Zone" -- Danny Elfman's directorial debute. A disturbing black and white romp, where humans act, move and sing like Max Fliescher characters, and Danny himself plays Satan, along with The Mystic Knights of Oingo Boingo!
Best Served With: Betty Boop shorts for the pre-show and intermission; a Tim Burton movie for the second reel--Edward Scissorhands or Nightmare Before Christmas, and-or Frankenweenie if you can find it.

"Can't Stop the Music" -- The fictionalized, musical biography of The Village People. Look for the white sequined fringed buckskins, the disco tribute to milk, and the locker room scene set to "YMCA"! The nail in the coffin of Disco, and the gayest movie ever--"Gayer than two men having sex, and that's pretty gay!" This movie could be used in therapy for people trying to decide if they're gay or not. It is difficult to have ambiguous feelings toward this film. The highest camp, filmed at the cusp of the 80's.
Best Served With: Copious amounts of alcohol, "Xanadu," "To Wan Fu, Thanks for Everything" (But not "Priscilla," pacing issues). Popcorn and license to throw popcorn at the screen, so popcorn and a few dogs to clean up the mess.

"The Pirate Movie" -- Gilbert and Sullivan would be spinning in their graves. An 80's tribute and adaptation of The Pirates of Penzance, with thoroughly unnecessary additional musical numbers and an "updated" version of the Modern Major General, who apparently wasn't hip enough. Look for the wretched animated sequence and the Pirate Pizza Fight!
Best Served With: Disney's "Pirates of the Carribean", and some sort of rum-beverage. Or just rum.

"Plan Nine from Outer Space" -- Okay, a bit trite, but there's a REASON why this is hailed as the worst movie ever. It's not. There are worse movies. Ed Wood directed worse movies. But for special effects, wooden acting, incontinuity, this wretched film is bottom of the barrel--but it's got a plot! It's watchable, even compelling! This may be the greatest "bad-good" movie ever.
Best Served With: "Ed Wood," a movie partially about the making of this movie, or a really good science fiction movie (I could see serving with "The Black Hole," there might be a synergy there.) DO NOT attempt to watch two Ed Wood movies on the same night. Nobody needs to do that to themselves. Maybe Santa Claus Conquers the Martions.

"Slashers"--Superfun! A strange piece of flim shot in nearly one take, with most special effects done on camera. The Plot: a Japanese game show pits young nobodies against celebrity-status serial killers. Survivors walk away with millions! Very voyouristic, with interesting commentary on horror as a genre (the Bad Things can only happen on camera, so participants are safe off-screen. The audience wants to build up sympathy, so talking about yourself is good for a few minutes of precious life, but is it better for ratings if the sympathetic character dies for shock, or lives for applause?
Best Served With: Scream I, or any number of slasher films. Rare meat.

The Santa Claus Movie--Another 80's film, this one about the origins of Santa Claus. The beginning of this flim has some lively and fun images of Santa's Workshop, elves, and other fun Christmas goodness. The end is a bit crap, a hollywoody bit intended to give the kids an interesting part. Didn't work. Highlights of the film: "Puce Juice!"
Best Served With: Baum's "The Life and Times of Santa Claus", or several other stop-motion films for the Yuletide.

"The Wizard of Speed and Time"--Late 80's, I believe. The story of an animator-writer-director-actor who wants to make cartoons, but is thwarted by the Hollywood Union laws, permits and bureaucracy, so he sets out to make his own feature-length and get it shown to audiences around the world, which happens to be the film we're watching. Benny Hill-esque stop-motion, with sparkles and twinkles and weird little magic tricks mixing stop motion, very light 70's-style computer enhancements, and live action. Look for the stop-motion musical number with live actor--wow! His lips synch up! A classic "little man fights the odds" type of story.
Best Served With: "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" or "Cool World"

"Mr. T's Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool"-- "A major religion could be founded on this film." A mid-80's self-esteem building after-school special, with vignettes on The T, why being yourself is the coolest thing ever, and don't smoke or drink things you find in garbage cans. This film is shock, joy, wonder, horror, camp, heavily distilled, and shat through Mr. T's mental processes. It's beautiful.
Best Served With: Brie, wine and cheese, possibly "Citizen Kane" or some other overhyped masterpiece.

"Trick or Treat" -- More 80's! They knew how to make quality bad films then. This one shows a young thrash-trash-death-metal fan who gets the CURSED FINAL ALBUM of his creepy rock idol. Naturally, the necrotic rocker shambles forth to wreak havoc. This one has some pacing issues that make it hard to watch, but it's worth the experience, particularly for the cameo from the Reverend Ozzie Ozbourne. The packaging notes, incidentally, make this one look a lot more interesting than it is.
Best Served With: Candy corn and green punch with dry ice, maybe "The Gate" or "The House" for proper 80's horror vibes.

Comments

( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
fairy_wench
Aug. 11th, 2004 02:44 pm (UTC)
What was the name of the "more gold" movie from the infamous bad movie night? I was trying to express how unbearably awful it was to a friend recently and couldn't remember the name...
spottylogic
Aug. 11th, 2004 04:01 pm (UTC)
Ed Wood's "Orgy of the Dead" or "Orgy of the Damned," I can't quite remember which. It was wretched, wasn't it?
apryl_knight
Aug. 11th, 2004 02:46 pm (UTC)
Oooh...sounds like fun! *grin* When's the next movie night?

*laughs*

April
spottylogic
Aug. 11th, 2004 04:01 pm (UTC)
A strong tendency for Tuesday nights :) I owe Badger a few action films after subjecting him to that particular double-feature, though.
fletcher
Aug. 11th, 2004 03:19 pm (UTC)
"Glenn or Glenda" is indeed the worst Ed Wood movie. Compared to it, Plan 9 is downright mainstream.

I'm disappointed to see some high-profile omissions from your list, to wit:

Battlefield Earth: Painful to watch seriously, hours of fun can be had with the concept of neo-primitive man learning physics, or John Travolta's KISS-from-space costumes. Plus, it's intrguing to see a movie that starts poorly, and manages, not for one single moment, to ever get BETTER. The film is one long downhill ride, without even a satisfyingly awful *crunch* at the end. You just fling off into nothingness. Staggeringly bad. Best served with: Predator, so as to compare and contrast good Rasta badguys and Bad Rasta badguys.

Showgirls: High camp. Nipples. Kyle MacLaughlin. Nipples. Gina Gershon. Nipples nipples pool thrash sex nipples nipples. And nipples.

Serve with glasses of water to throw on one another. For extra added fun, add Kung-Fu air-swooshie sound effects to all of Ellizabeth Berkely's dance moves. See who can hold in their cheeks sucked in the longest just like her. Point and laugh at anyone who actually becomes visibly aroused during the viewing, or asks you to be quiet so they can hear the dialogue.


Word has it the new DVD has commentary that finally acknowledges what an utter pile of crap you're watching. It's slowing obtaining the status of cult film, with rocky-horror-esqe dance-along audience partici.....
....
.....pation

spottylogic
Aug. 11th, 2004 04:04 pm (UTC)
I haven't actually seen either of those pieces of trash, so I couldn't add them to my list. All of the above films I've actually *enjoyed* watching, though it sounds like "Battlefield Earth" may make my "get action movies to lessen the hurting for Badger after last week" rental run. Heh. Thanks for the tip ;)
atalantapendrag
Aug. 11th, 2004 04:52 pm (UTC)
Wizard of Speed and Time!!!!! YESSSSS!!!!!
synj_munki
Aug. 11th, 2004 05:22 pm (UTC)
if you can find it...
'the terror of tiny town'

a spagetti western in sepia-town filmed with an all midget cast, including hookers and shetland ponies. :D
spottylogic
Aug. 11th, 2004 07:45 pm (UTC)
Re: if you can find it...
Own it, thank you :)
hanzatsu
Aug. 11th, 2004 06:11 pm (UTC)
I love Forbidden Zone.. I have it on VHS.. Betty Boop shorts do sound good to go with it.
hanzatsu
Aug. 11th, 2004 06:14 pm (UTC)
Okay.. throwing another post in because I've got something else to say.

The sound of Slashers reminds me of another movie so I'm going to recommend it is best served with Man Bites Dog.
spottylogic
Aug. 12th, 2004 05:17 am (UTC)
I'm not familiar with that one! Plot?
hanzatsu
Aug. 12th, 2004 10:16 am (UTC)
Oh my god, it's insane. It's made like a documentary.. actually it's kind of the first Blair Witch ONLY in that when produced they did a good job of making everyone think it was really a real-life documentary. It's French so it has subtitles. Anyway- so it's about a crrrrrazy serial killer and the film crew that are following him- wanting to learn more sociologically or psychologically speaking so they have discussions about everything like life, art, food... and then they always record his murders. It's.. intense and a upsetting for the sensitive but very funny.
spottylogic
Aug. 13th, 2004 05:36 am (UTC)
Oooh...that sounds like a keeper! Neat!
artfulreggie
Aug. 11th, 2004 07:32 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah!
One word: Ishtar
spottylogic
Aug. 11th, 2004 07:46 pm (UTC)
Re: Oh yeah!
Seen it five times. Problem with Ishtar, it's not actually *fun.* It's very BAD, yes, but it's not actually amusing. Be that as it may, it's one of my mom and my favorite movies.
baktre
Aug. 11th, 2004 11:34 pm (UTC)
And what proportion of these do you own? More than 50%? ;)
spottylogic
Aug. 12th, 2004 05:19 am (UTC)
4 out of 9, aktually. Although Ip's supposed to be bringing me a video of Mr. T :)
bayne
Aug. 12th, 2004 03:27 am (UTC)

Dood! You have a copy of "wizard of speed and time"?! I havent seen this in AGES. I loved this back in the day! :P
spottylogic
Aug. 12th, 2004 05:18 am (UTC)
I don't own that one, unfortunately :( A friend of mine does, and I keep my eyes out for a copy. Amazon's got them used and cheap, though!
bayne
Aug. 12th, 2004 08:51 am (UTC)
Damn, I was hoping I could just copy it off ya. Really don't have a budget for movie buying right now, but its on my list. First, I need to get Rock-N-Rule. :)
(Deleted comment)
spottylogic
Aug. 12th, 2004 01:34 pm (UTC)
Re: You must see...
Elaborate for the class, oh do :)
leifbrown
Aug. 26th, 2004 08:11 pm (UTC)
A Classic not yet mentioned:
_Nudist Colony of the Dead_

The world's first & only Zombie Nudist Summer Camp Slasher *MUSICAL*.

For a reason.
spottylogic
Aug. 26th, 2004 09:11 pm (UTC)
Re: A Classic not yet mentioned:
...woah. I've never heard of that. There's an "erotic" version of Night of the Living Dead at I Luv Video South, which is kind of tempting. I'll have to look that one up, it's...very tempting.
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )