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More constructive work avoidance--

Bandingo creates Banana-Animal Hybrids

"Not an atrocity against God and Nature," spokesman says

Disassociated Press Wire

Zoobotony researchers at the labs of Bandingo Ltd. announced their hybridization of several domestic animals with the increasingly uncommon banana, Friday, October 8.

"The banana needs to diversify, or, yes, we'll have no bananas," says Bandingo CEO Mike Spantoski. Spantoski, a former employee of Chiquita Brands, Inc. Because bananas are grown from cuttings from a single stock of banana plants, and are not able to reproduce themselves without human assistance. "And with the banana's uniquely high levels of selenium and pantothenic acid, it was a simple matter to activate the latent Musaceae-derived endrons common in all animal life. Particularly in large carnivores. Fun, fun," Spantoski added.

"We believe this will bring the banana safely into the 21st century, and make the fruit-eating experience much more rewarding than the world was ever prepared for," said Bandingo spokesperson Frank Motts, age 46, while a serrated plantain gnawed at his leg.

Bandigo, Ltd., has successfully bred or grown a number of hardy and vigorous hybrid species using their ethically suspect horticultural techniques, including the yellow fox, the unpopular banayena, the banagal tiger, the pirananah, and, of course, the Bandingo, which is a vibrant golden color, and very rarely attacks humans.

"We would like to add that our produce is not, in an actual or technical sense, an atrocity against God and nature. Our marketing department has looked into many sacred texts, not only the deuterocanonical scriptures but several apocryphal and alternative scriptures, and several non-Christian works besides, and can find no injunctions against this sort of genetic devilry. In fact, we have yet to find any religious work that specifically mentions bananas."

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
kristov
Oct. 8th, 2004 08:12 pm (UTC)
You forgot the banandicoot.
spottylogic
Oct. 8th, 2004 08:25 pm (UTC)
Ooh! Good one! :) I was proud of "pirananah," though.
baktre
Oct. 8th, 2004 08:34 pm (UTC)
Do the stickers tickle thier noses when you put them on? :)
stripey_d
Oct. 8th, 2004 11:57 pm (UTC)
Oh dear, this hyena has truly gone bananas. :] *wah wah wahhhh-h-h-h*
defiler_wyrm
Oct. 9th, 2004 12:30 am (UTC)
please tell me this is from the onion or similar source.
poppinjaye
Oct. 9th, 2004 04:44 am (UTC)
No way! Spotty kicks the Onion's ass!
sdocat
Oct. 9th, 2004 08:46 am (UTC)
Yea, most of us don't need the Onion when there are Hyenas to... be.. uh.. listen to! It's late. This happens alot to me. But, good one! I'm cutting down on my banana intake.
spottylogic
Oct. 9th, 2004 06:45 pm (UTC)
Long time, no see :)
spottylogic
Oct. 9th, 2004 09:49 pm (UTC)
Although the death of the banana is a sad fact of our modern world :(
spottedhyena
Oct. 9th, 2004 11:25 am (UTC)
In fact, we have yet to find any religious work that specifically mentions bananas.

Did they check the Mayan texts? ;?)
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )