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Day 3:

ARTIE: So, that's the target audience?

JHVH-1: That's the one. Created in my image, ordained shepherd of the world. Into his care the beasts of the field, et cetera.

ARTIE: The "no pants" thing works for him.

JHVH-1: It's evil, of course.

ARTIE: Wahat parts are created in your image? Can you be specific?

JHVH-1: Be quiet, thou serpent.

ARTIE: You know, I wouldn't mind being created a bit more in your image.

JHVH-1: You aren't friends with being quiet, are you?

ARTIE: Or let me try some creating. You could model.

JHVH-1: Business, Artie. We have to reach our target audience.

ARTIE: If he's about two feet away, you're set.

JHVH-1: No, he's over there. Adam, come here.

ADAM: Lord! Hi!

JHVH-1: Adam, this is Artie. He helped me create yams, Tuesday and Dick Clark.

ADAM: I've been drawing pictures with pee!

ARTIE: Nice work if you can get it.

ADAM: This thing is really neat. Do you have one of these?

JHVH-1: I have five. Look, we wanted to talk about fruit.

ADAM: I like fruit.

JHVH-1: Good! See, Artie? He likes fruit.

ARTIE: That's not really what were're after here.

JHVH-1: Fruit. I made it, and it was good.

ARTIE: Yes, I've got that.

JHVH-1: Getting the seeds in there was the hardest part.

ARTIE: Adam, how do you feel about oranges?

ADAM: The part outside's kind of bitter, but once you get through to the middle, it's pretty good.

ARTIE: User having problems with the packaging. We may want to include some instructions.

ADAM: How come I can't lick myself clean?

ARTIE: Talk to the boss, that's more of a design issue. Now, how do you feel about grapes?

ADAM: They're great! And you can do so many things with them!

JHVH-1: ...Like...what?

ADAM: They get extra sweet if you leave them out for a few days. And they fly real good.

JHVH-1: Good, okay. Now, how do you feel about the Fruit of Knowledge?

ADAM: It's forbidden, lord.

JHVH-1: I know, but would you like some?

ADAM: You said it was going to kill me, lord. So, no, not really, no.

ARTIE: Okay, Adam. The Fruit of Knowledge. Let's pretend--don't look at me like that, it's like when you play like you're a tiger. Maybe a horse. Pretend that the Fruit of Knowledge is just a fruit, and that it's not going to kill you.

JHVH-1: That's a good one, Artie.

ARTIE: This is all yours, right? It's not like His Largeness is going to create something that would hurt you.

ADAM: Except for hippos.

ARTIE: Yes, except for hippos.

ADAM: And falling out of trees.

ARTIE: Yes, there's that. But if the Fruit of Knowledge wasn't forbidden, and wasn't going to kill you?

ADAM: It's scary.

ARTIE: Scary? How so?

ADAM: It's green, and I think it wants to hurt me.

ARTIE: I don't get you, son.

ADAM: It's spiky, and I saw one land on a badger, and it didn't move any more.

ARTIE: Heavy...and...sharp. [writing.]

ADAM: And it leaks.

ARTIE: Leaks. Visually unappealing. Possibly deadly.

ADAM: And it smells like poo.

ARTIE: Like poo?

ADAM: Dog poo.

ARTIE: Lord and creator, can we talk?

JHVH-1: What about?

ARTIE: Maybe target audience isn't the issue, here.

JHVH-1: If you're going to forbid something, don't go halfway--sharp bits, lethality. It should look forbidden.

ARTIE: And smell forbidden, too.

JHVH-1: Right!

ARTIE: Do you actually want these to sell, lord? I don't think marketing is going to move them.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
eris_star
Oct. 25th, 2004 02:52 pm (UTC)
So...
Durian is the fruit of knowledge?
spottylogic
Oct. 25th, 2004 03:01 pm (UTC)
Not after the focus group. But, yes, I think it looks like an extremely forbidden fruit.
atalantapendrag
Oct. 25th, 2004 05:18 pm (UTC)
It is, in fact, forbidden by law to eat durian in public in many public places in the countries where it's popular.
apryl_knight
Oct. 25th, 2004 06:01 pm (UTC)
Oh....so *that's* why I've been feeling ill lately! I'm going to either die or become extremely smart. Yay!

Er...umm...or boo. Not sure which.
tenar10r
Oct. 25th, 2004 04:03 pm (UTC)
Fruits..
It killed the badger badger badger badger badger badger but not the mushroom! mushroom! (badger badger badger badger badger)So I bet they are going to bring in the snake, a snake ooohhh the snake!!


Why yws! Sometimes I am evil.
spottylogic
Oct. 25th, 2004 04:31 pm (UTC)
Re: Fruits..
You're going to have to try much harder than that to be evil by my friends' standards!
poppinjaye
Oct. 26th, 2004 03:27 pm (UTC)
I'm surprised no one's proposed marriage for this yet (I had a couple 'proposals' for particularly funny definitions playing Balderdash, back in the 90s).

Ahem.

Anyway...brilliant!
crazy_mike
Oct. 26th, 2004 04:27 pm (UTC)
YES, BRILLIANT!
spottylogic
Oct. 26th, 2004 04:44 pm (UTC)
Well, I've had one offer to drag me to NY for molestation purposes--it wasn't you. So, that's pretty close. Wait, a marriage proposal was involved. That was a few days ago, though.
defiler_wyrm
Oct. 26th, 2004 03:56 pm (UTC)
XD;
had to restrain myself from laughing very loudly in the middle of a public computer lab. well done. this makes so much damned sense.
spottylogic
Oct. 26th, 2004 04:43 pm (UTC)
Re: XD;
Yay :)
luckless_willow
Nov. 4th, 2004 11:31 pm (UTC)
very strange man....
I'm very tired and sleep deprived but this made me smile. Thanks.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )