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Orc Sex! (work-safe...)

I started writing this in church today--I went to the Baptist church that I'm thinking of working for, and apparently had some sort of allergic reaction to the opening hymn. I couldn't stop, and was trying not to giggle. Heh.



Hokhflotri Ob Sundurda
by Hraak Bloodmace

List Price: $39.95
Price: $29.50 (And eligible for TeleTrans "To Your Room" delivery for orders over $50. See Details.)
You Save: $10.45 (25%)
Availability: Usually ships within 24 Hours from Alimane.com</p>

Customers who bought this book also bought:


Mirdautus Bolvag!!!: Orcish for the Everyday Gutter by Gurda Dragonstongue
Bulled Over and Other Stories: Nights in the Succubus Society by Aelderane
He's Just That Color by Gerald Donner
Cold Blood, Hot Blood: Secrets of Draconic Dating and Reptilian Love by Scale Anon.
Breaking Things: My Live and Victories by Hraak Bloodmace</p>

Editorial Reviews:
Cinnibar Moon Books
About the Author: Hraak Bloodmace is a survivor of the Suune War and has fathered thirty offspring by orc, human and elf. His controversial memoir, Breaking Things, was featured on the New York Times best sellers list and was nominated for Flame magazine's "Inhumanity to Man" Book of the Year, 2005.


Product Description: The steamiest book since the Advent! Bloodmace reveals the sexual wisdom of the Kurda-Hai, with 172 color illustrations and photographs, lush descriptions and suggestions, and a companion CD of romantic and thrilling anthems for bedroom and battlefield. Hokhflotri Ob Sundurda (Eight Leaves of Love [lust/conquest]) is an ideal bedside companion for even the most experienced orc couple, but for the young man on his Rite of Kurvanug, the inexperienced teen fresh from his or her chrysalis, or for the experimentalists who want more green in their diet, Bloodaxe gives us a wealth of tips, personal experience, and concise and relevant medical advice.


Product Details


Trade Paperback: 218 Pages
Publisher: Cinnibar Moon Books; First English Edition 2005.
ISBN: 8-4837-7932-6
Product Dimensions: 7.5 x 9 x .6 inches
Apportation/Shipping Weight: 10.2 Ounces (See Apportation Policies and Pricing)
Average Customer Ranking: (*)(*)(*)(*)( ) based on 39 reviews


Product Categories:


Books : Sexuality : Orcish
Books : Sexuality : Kurda-Hai
Books : Sexuality : Transpecies
Books : Society and Culture : Humanoid : Orcish
Books : Society and Culture : Humanoid : Kurda-Hai
Books : Society and Culture : Religion : Kurda-Hai


Customer Reviews


* * _ _ _ Deeply, Deeply Wrong 2/3/2005 Reviewer: Sillithlune346 (United States)
Did we need an Orcish Kama Sutra? Disturbing in the extreme. I'm not sure what I find more abhorrent--the graphic and occasionally blood-flecked descriptive text, the grotesque, occasionally blinding, illustrations, or the lurid and prurient theology. No, I know. Definitely the illustrations. I had no idea skin tones like that existed in nature. Exposed, blood-engorged orc flesh is not a sight to be seen on a full stomach, but almost better that than an hour of dry heaves. The most tragic thing about this book, besides the glorification of the sexual perversity of a "hero" of the Suune Massacre, is that this book will inevitably lead to the spawning of more orcs. It is to cry. More painful still for me. I'm going to be around another 300 years or so, the writer's Nth-removed great grandspawn will be rutting like depraved sabre-toothed green dogpigs, and I'll still be haunted by page 47, "The Destroying Beast Ravages Its Wounded Prey." I will never think about sex again without wanting to rinse out my eyes with draino. Hang on, I'm going to vomit.


Okay, I've returned to my keyboard. So, 210 distorted and unholy pages. I didn't know humanoids could do some of these things and live. I mean, really. "Cleaving the Skull with the Greatsword?" Where did she fit it? My brain hurts. She probably has some cranial hemorrhaging, too. For the love of Andraelle, kill him before he writes, or worse, breeds, again.


6 readers found this review helpful.


***** BOOYAH!!! 1/22/05 Reviewer: YappyWarg (AlimaneUK)

W00T! RED-HOT ORC LOVIN'!!! Wait, make that green :) The bak of the book syas that Bloodmace has, like, 436 kids. WTF? How'd anyone ever live through it to actully drop a litter? Woah. I mean, That's some serious vegetarian salamey there. And check out the scars. Dude, I wanna know the storey behind that one! Bloodemace is in at least half the pictures. Theres a dedicated author!!! Four Paws Off--wait, up--on this one. An if theres going to be a sequl *raises paw* me, me! I grow back :) Didn't like the, like, three chapters on that whole sex-blood-religion thing, though the picture of <I>Honoring the One-Eyed God</I> gave me some warm fuzzies for the night. I gotta say, I like the whole Saxon Violence thing but I had *neveR* thogth of using THAT as a bludgoning weapon. Ahrooo!


2 readers found this review helpful.


***_ _ scarey 1/09/05 Reviewer: sir_bane3686 (United States)

i saw this book when my frend brought it over. reely scarey. that has to hurt.


0 readers found this review helpful. Was this review helpful to you? [ ]


_ _ _ _ _ The World Ends Again 1/2/05 Reviewer: light_of_pallath (United States)

Is there any particular reason why we need to honor this sort of antisocial and frankly bestial behavior? Let alone permit it to be glorified, and then sold in our bookstores, even in our libraries? Yes, we should respect cultural differences. Yes, the new races deserve their place in society, and we should recognize their valuable contributions to our world. Yes, I'm against my children growing up in a world where savagery, barbarism and lust are treated as cultural values. We have truly sunk to a new low.


3 readers found this review helpful. Was this review helpful to you? [ ]

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
godzuki
Feb. 7th, 2005 02:06 am (UTC)
I was so amused by this that I decided to post it on the World Of Warcraft forums, where you would think Orc sex guides would go down a storm. Sadly my post was deleted...*cries*

There are plenty of blue eyed, green skinned, betusked beauties in that game I can tell you.

spottylogic
Feb. 7th, 2005 06:19 am (UTC)
(aww...) Oh, well. I'll probalby be making a "beauty secrets for the young female orc" in the vague to near future. Maybe that'll have less blatant orc-bit humor. Maybe.
spottylogic
Feb. 7th, 2005 06:19 am (UTC)
Thanks!
spot_mcdog
Feb. 8th, 2005 10:29 am (UTC)
Sounds great. I would buy it based on that last review:

...we need to honor this sort of antisocial and frankly bestial behavior... permit it to be glorified... in our bookstores, even in our libraries. Yes, we should respect cultural differences. Yes, the new races deserve their place in society, and we should recognize their valuable contributions to our world. Yes, barbarism and lust are.. cultural values. - [Edited by the views of spot_mcdog]

Funny how people try to take a book about how life is, and ban it so they can have their books about how life should never be. If I want to skrew an orc, and the orc is consenting... is it wrong?? Is it wrong to want to see pictures of hot orc action???
spottylogic
Feb. 8th, 2005 10:47 am (UTC)
Bah. Skew my narrow-minded views. Pfbfth. If I could deliver the pictures of hot orc action, I would, mind!
spot_mcdog
Feb. 8th, 2005 10:52 am (UTC)
You would know where to send them if you could....
spottylogic
Feb. 8th, 2005 10:58 am (UTC)
I think I know the spot :)
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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