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28 Weeks Later--

Bad, bad, bad. Well, astoundingly mediocre, compared to the first movie, which was, by zombie movie standards, pretty sharp.



Scene: Mom and Dad are having tea.
Dad: I love your superfluous third nipple.
*camera lingers over third nipple*
Mom: Thanks. It'd be terrible if zombies came and ate us.
Zombies: RAR! *Camera focuses on a stroble light for a while*
Dad: Gosh, look at the time, must be going.
Mom: I'd like it if you'd maybe help me, so I'd be less eaten?
Dad: No, must dash. TTFN!

Scene: Airport
Boy: Gosh, it's good to be back from Belgium. I wonder how mom and dad are doing?
Girl: Eh, I don't know, we never listen to them anyhow.
Doctor: Welcome to England. I notice you have a superfluous third nipple. That's really rare.
*camera lingers over third nipple*
Boy: Yes, mom has one, too.
Doctor: It runs in families, you know. I see your sister only has two pert young teats.
Girl: Hey!
Doctor: I'm going to follow the two of you for the rest of the movie, okay?

Scene: Apartment
Dad: So, basically I run everything. [direct quote from movie]
Kids: Whoopie.
Dad: See this key? I can get, like everywhere. Girl's locker room? No problem.
Kids: When's mom coming home?
Dad: Rock concerts, too. Backstage pass.
Kids: Have you seen mom anywhere?
Dad: Well, no, she's dead.
Kids: Well, that sucks. Can we go see her anyway?
Dad: No, the rest of the world's pretty much entirely off limits to prevent a terrible zombie plague that would destroy all of humanity if it were to spread.
Kids: We'll just go out the back door, then.

Scene: Backdoor
Kids: We're just going for a walk in the plague-ridden part of London.
Military Guy: Y'all kids have fun.
Kids: Bye!

Scene: London
Girl: Look, it's our old house! Yay!
Boy: Look, it's our old mom! Yay!
Military Guy: We've got your ride home waiting for you outside. Oh, who's the broad?

Scene: Hospital. Camera lingers over third nipple.
Doctor: She's immune to the plague, but she's still got it. It's probably something to do with her superfluous third nipple.
Other Doctor: Well, we'll just leave her here, then. Be a shame if someone with a key to every door in the city wandered in.
Doctor: Nah, that'd never happen. Only her husband's got that. No worries!

*Later*

Dad: Honey, I'm home! I'll just kiss you now that I've left every door in the compound open.
*Kiss, bloody rampage*

Scene: Military office
Commander: Did you lock everyone up in a room with only one entrance?
Army Guy: Check, and check.
Commander: And use regulation flimsy lock #16?
Army Guy: No, Cracker Jack bought all those. We had to go with #25.
Commander: Cool. Basically, we're going to kill everything that moves for the rest of the movie.
Army Guy: What's my motivation?
Commander: You're American.

*Insert 20 minutes of strobe light with late 90's metal score*

Scene: Edge of town
Nice Army Guy: Look, zombies! We'll have to order a helicopter rescue! Luckily, our helicopters have razor-plated rotors--we had some really tough hedges in 'Nam.
*Nice Army Guy dies*
Kids: Maybe we'll just take a subway.
Dad: RAR! *bites boy*
Boy: Where'd he come from?
Girl: *shoots dad* Now, my plague-ridden brother, let's go make sure there's a sequel!
Boy: Yay!


No film should rely on six heavy suspension of disbelief strainers in the first 15 minutes of the film. *tsks* No actual scares, just...flashbang. Bleah.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
borgslayer
May. 16th, 2007 07:30 pm (UTC)
I was falling over laughing from that, you should write these more often ^^
spottylogic
May. 16th, 2007 07:47 pm (UTC)
My mate baktre started me on this--his synopses of Xmen 3 and Ultraviolet are dead on :)
borgslayer
May. 16th, 2007 08:57 pm (UTC)
That's awsome, thanks i'm reading those two now ^___^
jim_hague
May. 16th, 2007 07:37 pm (UTC)
Fie upon you. This is an Alien/Aliens sort of movie - perfectly good, even well done, but not even trying for the feel of the original.

You've got a lot more political commentary in this one - personally, I thought Don was a complete ass, and his transformation from husband to Infected was nicely symbolic of his own internal lack of moral fiber. The military was portrayed well, too; guys in an untenable situation with an unresolvable problem to deal with, making horrific-seeming choices for the greater good.

Of course, being an apocalypse flick, it all goes horribly wrong for the usual reasons...the purely human ones. Bad communication, poor choices under stress. The good get punished right along with the guilty, which makes it nicely nihilistic; maybe even moreso than the remake of Dawn of the Dead.

So nyah. ;)
spottylogic
May. 16th, 2007 07:44 pm (UTC)
Yes, but it strung six unreasonable coincidences together with characters that made themselves utterly unlikable. When something snaps my suspension of disbelief that badly, I can't get back into the movie again--and without suspension of disbelief it was just a loud action movie.
jim_hague
May. 16th, 2007 07:51 pm (UTC)
That I'll grant you, though maybe my tolerance for the rubber coincidences in movies is higher than yours, mein herr.

Still, it *was* better than Spidey 3. Good lord. I wonder...is that damning with faint praise?
spottylogic
May. 16th, 2007 07:56 pm (UTC)
And I'm really not a big fan of action movies, in the final analysis. I like them slightly more than I enjoy touching comedies.

Haven't seen Spidey 3 yet. Josef installed a projector and surround sound in the living room, so that might end up being a rental when it comes to the new releases at I Luv Video. I've heard diverse opinions on that one, but more negative than positive.
jim_hague
May. 16th, 2007 10:22 pm (UTC)
It's...watchable. The main problem is trying to stuff too much into a movie. The Venom plotline is tacked on, and goes a good way towards spoiling the really excellent 'temptation towards evil and corruption' schtick that was originally going on.

For my money, #2 was the best in series. 3 is dead last.
flippantmoniker
May. 17th, 2007 12:31 pm (UTC)
It was nice to get away from reality for a while, though, and logic, and smartness, and thinking in general... and kittens... and what better way to learn a nice, healthy appreciation for all that stuff than to watch this kinda movie? :)
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )