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These things, they happen to me.

Warning, contains details about the contents of Spotty's Kilt, and a strong argument both in favor of, and against, bifurcated garments.


A little bit of back story. I've got embarrassing (in the "geez, I look terrible!" embarrasing way) pictures of most of my friends on my website. I'm not planning to take them down, they make me smile. twistdbutterfly doesn't like her picture taken, and I've got a few really bad ones of her.

I'd spent the last few days with some very tactile people lunging for my sparkly shirt, velvet shirt, antlers, teeth, hair, fingernails, whatever, to go "ooh! Sparkly/soft/pointy/fluffy/shiny!" So my personal space was somewhat subjective today.

Sdocat, KT Kat, Badger, Butterfly and I went to Excalibur Faire to see the sights, do some shopping, and give April a ride back to Austin. Not much shopping--Butterfly got some fudge, I picked up a new heavy Renfest belt, et cetera.

Near the front of Excalibur Faire, they have a large fake rock with a sword embedded in it. Sometimes the sword comes out, even a five-year-old can pull it out if some condition or another is met (not "king of England," no matter what Badger says). Sdocat tries to pull it out, and naturally, I start taking pictures. Butterfly's here, and I thought it would be fun to get a picture of her taking the sword out, and she knows I have Mr. Camera, so it's a no-go. I say that I'll drop one of the pictures from my website for the shot, and she takes me up on it. Naturally, the next thing I say is that I have no intention of taking any of my pictures down.

I'm going somewhere with this, I swear. I'm just setting myself up for weird karma and the endless ribbing I've gotten on this.

I'm "costume light" right now. I'm wearing my tattered black leather jerkin, wolf tee, combat boots and my kilt. I've gotten a few comments on the kilt, and someone just grabbed my hand to stare at my fingernails (black nail polish from the day before). So having someone stride purposefully toward me and bend down to grab the hem of my kilt, I can accept as being "normal" based on previously established reality paradigms.

This sort of thing happens to everybody, right? Good.

Before I can really process what's going on, this person--a really nice-looking petite gothy girl in black velvet--really, this is sounding a bit like a letter to PlayRennie magazine--runs her hand up my leg. My brain shuts down, my body saying "oh, this is different," my victorian mind saying "....and it's not happening, thank you!" And then, in the inevitability of a bad filk song, up my kilt, to grab onto my kilt-covered briefs. She says, "You really need to learn how to wear a kilt," and yanks down.

Moving with the speed of affronted dignity, I catch one leg of my underpants through the fabric of my celtly man-skirt. "Hang on, I do need those!"

I'm not really comfortable with the whole "regimental" thing, it's awkward in a heavy wind. "Don't be silly." "No, seriously."

"Is this your girlfriend? How about her?" Points to Butterfly and Kat. "No? Well, then--" Sound of ripping cotton.

She draws close to me, and we engage in a brief embrace-dance, close with a quarter-second kiss, which probably would have been graceful if we hadn't both been holding onto my underwear. She steps away with another rip of cotton, we briefly circle each other like cats (albeit one straight-laced and very shy cat, who doesn't really like losing undergarments in a crowded public forum).

I don't remember the dialog after that, it was brief, colored by warring parts of my brain wanting to play along with the scene and the other part really wanting the usual levels of control it has over circumstances. After a few narrow passes and a partially unlaced bodice, she walks away with a modest scrap of my Hanes 32-34s between her teeth.

For those that enjoy me being put in awkward situations, Sdocat managed to get many of the plays of this odd little scene on camera. While playing a little more closely to my personal anxieties, this was an improvement over Sholo the Nubian rattling my head back and forth.

Anyway, I know, this happens to everyone. Butterfly is still laughing at me.

Butterfly: "You are definately one of the top ten people that deserve to have their underwear stolen at a renaissance festival."

And thank you, butterfly :)

Comments

( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
auliya
Mar. 22nd, 2004 06:57 am (UTC)
So next time a girl makes with the trying to take off your undies, you'll be better prepared, right? *takes notes*
spottylogic
Mar. 22nd, 2004 07:39 am (UTC)
Um--yes?

(realizes there's no way to answer this, gives up)

The only way I can really prepare for suddenly having strange women removing my underpants would be to adjust the fact that, somehow, after years in the Camarilla and getting on toward a year with the furries, I can still blush. I feel that any adjustment of my undergarment status would be hasty at this juncture.



baktre
Mar. 22nd, 2004 08:15 am (UTC)
I think that 'Oh dear' is the only response I can manage to that. :)
spottylogic
Mar. 22nd, 2004 08:20 am (UTC)
Sdocat's was "Spotty's been raped!"
twistdbutterfly
Mar. 22nd, 2004 08:47 am (UTC)
Spotty, before you even think of attempting to wiggle out of posting the pictures of you violation, please remember that the hand of karma tears off underwear.
spottylogic
Mar. 22nd, 2004 09:26 am (UTC)
I'm going to include every damn picture Sdocat took, even if they're unflattering, because while I don't think I have "good deed/bad deed" karma coming at me, I DEFINATELY have some bad camera karma. Karmera.
poppinjaye
Mar. 22nd, 2004 10:17 am (UTC)
URGENT
I want to be informed the *instant* there is a picture of this up somewhere.

Really, this is important.

poppinjaye, gearin' up to see Spotty's legs
texasfanboy
Mar. 22nd, 2004 05:52 pm (UTC)
Re: URGENT
Screw the legs, I wanna see the goth chick!
twistdbutterfly
Mar. 22nd, 2004 11:42 am (UTC)
Oh and I'll stop laughing at you when you take down the picture of me like you said you would :) Until then (sung to the tune of children's jeers) "Spotty has torn underwear, Spotty has torn underwear."
texasfanboy
Mar. 22nd, 2004 05:53 pm (UTC)
Shit like that never happens to me.

Dammit, I've been praying for the past ten years to have that happen to me, and it never does. *pouts*
squeakymaus
Mar. 22nd, 2004 11:06 pm (UTC)
It only happens if you hope and pray nothing like it will ever happen. Life is rarely so kind as to give us what we think we want. Try joining a monestary; the strange girls should come out of the woodwork within a week.
spottylogic
Mar. 23rd, 2004 06:10 am (UTC)
That's true. People that try to be "normal" but invite strangeness into their lives get this sort of thing. It's like cats can sense the one person who's allergic.

Though I couldn't say I "pray" this sort of thing never happens--for one, it didn't occur to me that this situation *would* happen. And I do have a "Y" chromosome, thanks.
texasfanboy
Mar. 25th, 2004 04:46 pm (UTC)
Mental note for fanboy: Buy a kilt.
twistdbutterfly
Mar. 23rd, 2004 05:24 am (UTC)
Yes, but you can't just hope and pray; try always wearing a kilt in public ;)
athene1765
Apr. 1st, 2004 01:26 pm (UTC)
I am SO coming along next time you go Renning!

hee hee hee...I'd have paid good money to see that. I'm still laughing right now. :)
spottylogic
Apr. 2nd, 2004 02:11 pm (UTC)
I haven't figured out why so many people want to pay money to see me flummoxed. Immediately, Butterfly said "I'm going to track her down to pay her to do that again."
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )