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In a truly incorrect world...

Periodically, the room numbers for special education programs would change, just for fun.

Holy wars would erupt over "Bud Bundy is cooler than Kelly Bundy." Third-world nations without access to late 80's TV would be brought in as arbitrating parties. Their populations would be decimated.

Baby-shaking would be public art. There would be musical numbers.

Poligical campaigns would be won or lost purely on which candidate told the best joke at the expense of the French.

Cutting-edge keyboards would feature a "porn" button, saving countless man-hours of waiting for the desktop icons to load.

Classical music concerts would feature works like Berlietz's "Cantata and Fuge in E Flat Minor, for Winds, Piano and Intestinal Noises."

Meat products would be status symbols.

Concentration camps would be established for the chronically irritating. Visitors would be restricted from throwing fruit--instead, they would be issued chunks of wood, and dull rocks.

State and federal income tax penalties could be paid with sex. Parking tickets were briefly payable in sex, but the radical increase of parking violations made this impractical.

Most civil trials would be settled via the simple expediency of which legal representative, prosecuting attorney or defense, provides the most spirited rendition of "We've Got the Funk."

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
krrayn
Jul. 9th, 2004 08:29 am (UTC)
can we include untrainable computer users in the concentration camps?
spottylogic
Jul. 9th, 2004 08:31 am (UTC)
Are they...chronically irritating?

: thinks so
krrayn
Jul. 9th, 2004 08:37 am (UTC)
That would be affirmative. The ones who (a) are incapable of learning, (b) unwilling to learn, (c) forget everything you ever told them, and/or (d) cannot follow directions, spoken or written.

Ignorance doesn't bother me. Use of layman terms to describe technical entities or procedures, or who misuse technical terms don't bother me. People who use a computer to do their job and are unwilling or unable to learn how to use it correctly bother me.

This is not the "well people who drive cars don't necessarily want to be a mechanic" argument. People who drive cars can know nothing about how they work, but still use them correctly. Changing the oil regularly, for example. Using the turn signal. Driving with both hands and not gabbing on the phone. Staying in your lane.

Oh neat, a crossover rant...
vverevvolf
Jul. 9th, 2004 09:40 am (UTC)
Most civil trials would be settled via the simple expediency of which legal representative, prosecuting attorney or defense, provides the most spirited rendition of "We've Got the Funk."

After winning, the legal representative would immediately be transfered to a concentration camp.
spottylogic
Jul. 9th, 2004 10:34 am (UTC)
It's only fair.

I'm reminded of the Justice League of America (the new version on Cartoon Network) where we learn that, on the trials held by the Galactic Ubercouncil, attourneys share the same fate as their clients. That made me snicker for a good two minutes.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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