Okay, the credit card that has been haunting me for years, I'm like two inches from getting it payed off. Then I'm going to take my heat gun and subject it to 1000-degree heat until such time as it melts into a pretty shape. I've payed off all the balance via electronic transfer, and once that goes through, I get to explain to the nice customer service droid that yes, I DO want to cancel my credit card, y'all are supposed to pay ME when I'm screwed via financial arrangement. She will then pass me up to her supervising droid, and the droids will then play pass the customer.
Of course, I still owe $500 on another card, but at least that's still consensual.