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I think I need to restart some of the projects I've been working on, but put on the back burner. I was starting work on a crown for renfest, something made out of antler bits, it should look pretty cool once I figure out the fine points of how to arrange and mount it. I was also working on some ideas for a semi-humorous "Furry Wicca" site, which was going to be entirely tongue-in-cheek, but then I had some ideas that would easily combine personal totems and animal identies with "mainstream" wicca in a graceful way, into an almost legit if extremely small target audience spiritual path.

I also note that nobody, anywhere on the Internet, is using the word "oatmale." Will have to register that domain name soon. Hee.

Anyway, in January, I need to start over. I need to ressurect a few old friendships, pull the projects off the back burner, get a new start financially, get paying roommates, clean the garage and get rid of what items aren't within six standard deviations of "necessary." I need to patch up my friendship with Samantha, crank back my energy with the Pagans, et cetera. I've been in a depressive funk for two years now. It's really time to press the reset button.


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:32 pm (UTC)
This has been you in a depressive funk? And you're about to reset?!

All comedy aside... I've been the same. There's always something in the way of actually being a happy person. If it's not my mother, it's health issues, if it's not health issues, it's marriage problems, if it's not marriage problems, it's because I'm fat, if it's not because I'm fat, it's because I have no passions/hobbies, if it's not because of having no passions or hobbies, it's because of polyamory, if it's not because of polyamory, it's because of monogamy, if it's not because of monogamy, it's because of money, if it's not because of money, it's because of etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.

I've always just assumed it's like that for everyone. I'm not close at all to figuring out how to control the problem, in any case. I have a book here called Addicted to Unhappiness which seems to suggest that you spend a great deal of your adult life conscious or unconsciously rebuilding the atmosphere of your childhood -- complete with all its abuses and horrors. It theorizes that you become so accustomed to a particular level of unhappiness-saturation that you generate more of it if it should lessen. If this theory is accurate, I put a lot of energy into creating abuses and horrors, as I had a childhood abundant in them. Still, I hate to think of myself as a product of my past.

P.S. Don't you hate it when people respond to highly personal LJ posts and just talk about themselves? Geez!

Dec. 13th, 2004 04:33 pm (UTC)
which seems to suggest that you spend a great deal of your adult life conscious

Love the typo. *facepalm*
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:01 pm (UTC)
Well--I've been depressed, purely from situations, for about two years. Right now I've been in shock, mild despair, grief, et cetera. I'm being perky about recent things because there's no point in being anything else, and that's the way I handle things. I'd like to have something truly good in my life, the universe conspires to make everything I have at best a mixed blessing, at worst, months of agony. With a strong preference for "months of agony." I'm not addicted to unhappiness, it seems drawn to me somehow. And I'm getting a bit tired of it. John just set my finances back to $0, I can have positive worth now. I want to expand that outward, get rid of as much of my life's Large Piles of Shit as possible, and start over.

Life should be joyful. It's a matter of personal lensing to see it as otherwise. However, some things--deadbeat roommates, credit card debt, et cetera--can't be anything other than a burden. I need to remember to see life as joyful again, and get rid of the crap where possible.
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:20 pm (UTC)
I hear you - I'm there too. *hugs*

Going to have a get-together or any time I might bring over nifty-fun presents? Drop me an email.
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:24 pm (UTC)
Tuesday christmas decorating party to be concluded with sing-along of Buffy: "Once More with Feeling." Be there or be...uh...April, but not there.
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:31 pm (UTC)
Tuesday....21st? Hrm. If so, conflicts with ritual at Natural Magic, but hadn't quite decided if I wanted to go to that or not. Ritual sounds a smidge....perky.... *grin*
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:34 pm (UTC)
Tuesday, tomorrow!
Dec. 13th, 2004 08:33 pm (UTC)
I wanna go! I need a ride! Someone pleeeeeeease help the Amanda?

And tacky lawn ornaments I may not be able to come up with on short notice, but I think I can manage tacky tree ornaments.
Dec. 13th, 2004 08:58 pm (UTC)
Let me know if you can't find a ride, I'll picky you up.
Dec. 14th, 2004 10:15 am (UTC)
Aww. Aww geez. :)

Color me full of specialfeeling. I'm willing to work with ya, and I'll see you tomorrow.
Dec. 14th, 2004 01:40 pm (UTC)
I *suppose* I could have phrased that better, but even before all this one of my many new year's resolutions (besides "finally clean that coffee cup" and "tell Patricia 'no'") was "patch up things with Sam, you've had your two years, stop being a twit." So there.
Dec. 14th, 2004 11:10 pm (UTC)
Which reminds me, I need to bring your IRS mug and your black vest. There's all manner of your stuff in my stuff. In more ways than one, ha-ha. I'm dragging Kristin; Amanda, if you're reading this, I can probably grab you as well if I know where you are at any given hour...
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )