Spotty Logic (spottylogic) wrote,
Spotty Logic

Spam, continued:

Dear diary:

Last week, I had a moment of weakness, and broke down. I purchased Erect-Ol, SP-URM, Nylocine, Viagra, Regalis, Cialis, Vicidon, Paracodin, Clonazepam, Zuban--lord, I don't know what Zuban is, but anything that sounds like an Egyptian god really should be taken internally. I even went down to the corner store and picked up "Horny Goat Weed," and damn the misspellings on the directions. You only live once.

Yesterday, I bit the bullet and finally responded to Cheating Housewife Services. I mean, Kathyrin28, favorite fantasy: "To suck off a complete stranger, and swallow his load." I've never met her, she's never met me. We were made for each other. I mean, we both like blow-jobs. Got my paid account, and everything.

Last night, I took all the pills.

God. Never again, unless that "last tttime" advertisement comes up again. I guess I've dealt with worse, particularly after the clonezepetrin episode. But the combination of four penis enlargers, erection sustainers, and one or two cardiac stimulants--and the horny goat weed, thank gods I didn't spring for the horniest goat weed--that was trouble, I guess I could have guessed that. I had to pee--really bad--at like, three in the morning. But I guess too much blood rushed to my M@ss1Ve Erect.1on, 'cause when I stood up, I blacked out. Woke up face-planted on the ground, by my socks. Somehow--well, not somehow, it was totally easy, since the Vicodon, AND the Cialis, and the Erect-0l totally lived up to their promises, and I had like an extra foot to work with, and just like the ad, hard as steel and lasts all night--somehow, I got hooked on the rail of my futon. I mean, I couldn't move, everything would kind of get dark when I tried. I could swivil my hips, kind of, but not enough to pull out, we're talking some SERIOUS appendage here. So I'd just have to wait until the Erect-0l, and maybe the Zuban, wore off.

Of COURSE this is when Kathryn28 walked in. She was laughing so hard, the blow-job just didn't happen.

This happens to everybody, right?
Tags: humor
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