July 14th, 2003

[fades] browns and reds

Stupid pet deposit--

So, my old house, right? The two-story jobbie, with the ghastly oatmeal-tin and bottle wallpaper around the 70's bar, and the gun rack for everybody's ren-fest swords? My landlord isn't giving me back my full deposit, because two of my roommates had an undocumented cat, and now not only that room, but because the wee blighter got out and scampered around the house, doin' that special thing cats do, the entire house smells strongly of cat.

I love cats, really I do, I'm a cat person when I'm not a hyena person (and try getting a pet hyena in Austin. The breeders overcharge.

So I'm thinking of getting a pet meme. No, really. A friend had a really cute one named Temporary Autonomous Zone. It was absolutely adorable. Didn't take orders well, but you'd never know where the little critter would turn up. Under the sofa, at a rave, wandering around USENET, in the vegetable crisper.

Of course, finding a licenced meme breeder is tough. I hear Marshall MacLuhan is out of the business, which is a tragedy in and of itself. I think he owned T.A.Z's grandsire, got it from a dealer in Africa. And I never really felt good buying from those meme mills like Chomsky.

The best way to handle them is to adopt, of course--I mean, it's much kinder, and you don't get the pure-breeds with all the weird mental quirks. Only problem is, starting in the late 60's, they had a really vigorous Cold War/Detante crossbreed, and it just overbred, and if you just pick up a meme from a friend who just got a litter, or out of a cardboard box in front of the grocery store, there's a good chance it'll be partially informed by "mutually assured destruction," and those just aren't as cheerful and energetic as the ones you can get from a licenced meme breeder.

I've heard they're really easy to take care of, just feed them regularly--I mean, most of what they eat, you can get on-line, no problem--and change your mind every two or three days. I'm going to name my first one either "Chuckles," "Snowball," or "The Communications Elite are keeping the populous in a state of Information Serfdom." I really haven't decided yet.
[fades] browns and reds

Out of Order

There are many things in my life that do not, exactly, work, but are not, exactly, broken. My car's air conditioning cycles between knuckle-chilling, shivering blizzard, pleasantly cool (save for the outside 130-degree temperature), and "what we've got outside, but it's at least moving." There is no pattern to these changes, though they often cycle when I hit a speedbump.

Or the men's room at work, which has automated urinals and sinks, all of which flush or run cold water at their discretion, not yours.

Or my computer. I don't understand my computer.

All of these items will now bear signs that state, "THIS (insert item's name) OBEYS A HIGHER RATIONALITY."

That is all.