February 11th, 2004

[fades] browns and reds

Conanned last night--

Conan (v,i) 1. To ransack city, depose monarch, become its king. 2. To read Robert Howard's Barbarian stories. 3. To eat pizza (Austin).

Mostly #2, here. Went to the "Classic Fantasy Reading Group" at Book People. Surprisingly, the Texas-hailed Conan/Robert Howard scholar that led the group was probably slightly less effective as a group leader than an amateur (Ama--from the root, "To love.") However, he was very learned, and neat to hear talking, but it was more a student-directed lecture. Still, neat, but three in a row and I think I'll back out of the group. We'll see.

Met The Most Annoying Person Ever. For one, he bobbed up and down when he spoke like a drinking-bird toy. It was creepy, and reminded me of my (brief) time period working at the state school. Second, he kept derailing the group to talk about relative height of actors, Israelies, D&D Barbarians, the movies by the same director as the Conan film. Third, and this is a "prissy self-superior English Major" moment, he stated and restated the blindingly obvious. Sigh.

But worse--even worse than the fact that one of the first things he said was "I'm a gamer, but I don't have time because I'm a Graduate Student," and later told me he was the "Great White Hope," which even in a joking way is something you let your audience warm up to before springing that one, not that I could ever bitch too much about egotism--was that he started following me and misternihil around the store, yattering. I had to shut a book in his hands before he started reading aloud from it. Eventually we cleaved him from groin to neck, to step back and watch as he clutched his entrails to himself before, gasping, he slouched to the ground as his grim watchers laughed darkly ducked behind a Valentine's Day display, hid briefly in Conspiracy Theory before running to the coffee shop to escape the little schmo.

Next book: Tarzan of the Apes. You know what this means--yet more loincloth jokes. Crom!
[fades] browns and reds

random, random

Neat facts about the Crab-Eating Fox:

(Some of these stolen from baktre and vioxel...)

The hide of the Crab-Eating Fox, which, while said fox is hunted for said hide, has no value, is frequently used by coastal natives to repair bicycle tires.

Crab-Eating Foxes are actually long-legged otters.

Crab-Eating Foxes are the only non-primate to grasp the intricacies of the three-tined fork.

The first challenge of the new-born Crab-Eating Fox is to learn to eat crab, before they starve.

The second challenge is to learn to churn, heat and clarify butter.

During the female's pregnancy, the male Crab-Eating Fox goes on a lengthy voyage to bring back lemons for the young foxes. He's not very good at squeezing them, though. The lemons, not the kits.

During courtship, the male Crab-Eating Fox presents the female with a lovely steamer and microwave oven.

The grown-up pups frequently attend their parents in their old age by mashing crab meat and serving it on the half-shell. They are the only carnivora known to mix bread crumbs with seafood.

The Crab-Eating Fox is the only coastal predator to regularly order lemon-scented pre-moistened napkinettes from White Swan Restaurant Supplies. White Swan does not honor the Crab-Eating Fox's "COD," though.

On average, one Crab-Eating Fox kit in six dies as a result of a steamer accident.

The only natural predators of the Crab-Eating Fox are the owners of small all-you-can-eat seafood buffets.