May 11th, 2004


Blather and internal monolog, ignore at your leisure

How old do you have to be to feel like an adult? I'm starting my 29+1th year. I'm older than most of my high school role models were when I was in high school, and in years at least, if not in "variety of things experienced on this earth," more and more I'm one of the seniors of the group--of course, that's hanging out with gamers, furries and other youth-intensive subcultures. I *think* I'm the head of some sort of household, or at least the first name on the lease and the main contact person for bills and such.

It may be that I'm in a very "beta wolf" position in my life right now. I'm support staff--an administrative assistant, and something about that subordinate role, the constant play of checks and balances, permissions, et cetera. Maybe it's finances--we're renting the house. I was in a state of mild terror when the landlord said he wanted his son to look at the place--what if it was to pass it over to a new tenant? Argh! Of course, being in debt is a part of being an adult.

I dunno. I still feel as jittery and young as when I went into college, and the world is just as challenging. This will probably be an eternal state.