January 4th, 2005


Observations on The Superfriends:

If your special power is to grow to hundreds of times your normal size, wear reliable undergarments and something less revealing than a breechclout. Unless you're renting out that space for advertisements.

The near-complete vacuum of space is intermittently breathable, and decompression may be circumvented with a plastic bubble helmet so Wonder Woman can still wear her halter top. This is important.

Don't tell the Riddler anything. Just…don't.

Green Lantern will chase after anything yellow like a retarded spaniel. This is because he's very dumb. We would like to think the Keepers of the Lantern would pick slightly more intelligent individuals to bestow Cosmic Power upon. We would be wrong. He was no doubt selected for his great hair and devil-may-care sneer.

Sinestro isn't. It's those tights. Those tights don't help anyone except maybe Superman. However, the alternative, going without the tights, didn't help Robin. Who is *not* the Boy Toy Wonder. Apache Chief can pull it off, though. Wasn't he in the Village People?

Fur=Evil. Cheetah, Grond--both evil. It's at least three seasons before the Justice League finally gets an animal sidekick. Apache Chief should get an animal sidekick. A 400-foot-tall wolf. Enuch chuck.

Sugary cereal MUST do something to brain cells. I must have been extraordinarily stupid as a kid. Or else there was absolutely nothing else on.

The speed of plot is MUCH faster than the Speed of Light. Or else space is infinitely mutable, which would explain the black hole bigger than a 200-star cluster. How does Black Thunder or Black Vulcan or whatever cross the galaxy three times without stopping for food? How does he breath when he does? Why am I watching this? Why did I BUY this?

Minority super heroes have stupid powers. There are no minority super villains. Except furries. And the Toymaker, who's Jewish. And Grond.

Common sense as a superpower is severely underrated. My god, a villain that could say "That's a dumb idea!" or "How about we flood the chamber with poison gas?" would cause some serious problems. Of course, Cheetah, Riddler and Toymaker would gang up and lynch him.