February 20th, 2005


Dinner, Breakfast, Lunch--

I'm down to 172 pounds, which is a little under a pound a week, but that's okay, it's not like I'm doing anything besides cooking more than usual and going for an extra walk each week. I haven't weighed this little since college :) Pre-graduate college, no less. At this rate, I'll be down to my Journalism Major weight for my birthday :)

Dinner last night: Grilled chicken topped with mozzerella served in tomato sauce (like what you'd serve with spaghetti, hold the meat), grilled with white wine, lemon, pepper, and a bit of Liquid Smoke. Lots of mushrooms. Served with portabella mushrooms baked with feta cheese, pine nuts, and more tomato sauce. I had to do something with a pot of tomato sauce.

Breakfast: Coconut custard. Coffee. More coffee.

Lunch: Spinach, feta cheese and mushroom omelette with asparagus on the side. More coffee.

This time, I didn't cheat :) Still love this diet. Probably had too much cheese today, though. May make some sort of hamburger-like thing for dinner this evening, I'll need to unwind a bit. I am drinking a LOT more coffee, though, to keep myself distracted from the office pastry. This probably isn't a good thing.
[fades] browns and reds

Spam Update:

Hello hierarchic,

If you've tried the rest, then definately come try the original and the b. est.
Get from four 2 ten in. ches the natural way.


You've got nothing to lose enemy

Yvonne Seals
oxide prom
The Syntax Engines the spam uses these days are getting more and more whimsical. The salutation, "Hello hierarchic" caught my eye--it's one of those things I've never been called before. In fact, how can I be targeted by "hierarchic?" Can any one person be hierarchic?

The "You've got nothing to lose enemy" kind of creeped me out, though. I'm worried about this communicado. Would Oxide Prom or whatever this secret concoction is actually make me lose inches? Or worse, in. ches? Should I buy a penis enlarger from someone who's already confessed their dislike, indeed, naked antipathy, for me?

I see a vicious cycle developing. If I purchase this, I'd probably have to buy from Yolanda S Greenberg, who promises me both longer ejaculations and painfully large erect.ions, just to undo Yvonne's damage. I live in fear of these things, of course.

but but but...
who wouldn't be tempted by a website like "venturesome.gibbons"?
[fades] browns and reds

Spam, continued:

Dear diary:

Last week, I had a moment of weakness, and broke down. I purchased Erect-Ol, SP-URM, Nylocine, Viagra, Regalis, Cialis, Vicidon, Paracodin, Clonazepam, Zuban--lord, I don't know what Zuban is, but anything that sounds like an Egyptian god really should be taken internally. I even went down to the corner store and picked up "Horny Goat Weed," and damn the misspellings on the directions. You only live once.

Yesterday, I bit the bullet and finally responded to Cheating Housewife Services. I mean, Kathyrin28, favorite fantasy: "To suck off a complete stranger, and swallow his load." I've never met her, she's never met me. We were made for each other. I mean, we both like blow-jobs. Got my paid account, and everything.

Last night, I took all the pills.

God. Never again, unless that "last tttime" advertisement comes up again. I guess I've dealt with worse, particularly after the clonezepetrin episode. But the combination of four penis enlargers, erection sustainers, and one or two cardiac stimulants--and the horny goat weed, thank gods I didn't spring for the horniest goat weed--that was trouble, I guess I could have guessed that. I had to pee--really bad--at like, three in the morning. But I guess too much blood rushed to my M@ss1Ve Erect.1on, 'cause when I stood up, I blacked out. Woke up face-planted on the ground, by my socks. Somehow--well, not somehow, it was totally easy, since the Vicodon, AND the Cialis, and the Erect-0l totally lived up to their promises, and I had like an extra foot to work with, and just like the ad, hard as steel and lasts all night--somehow, I got hooked on the rail of my futon. I mean, I couldn't move, everything would kind of get dark when I tried. I could swivil my hips, kind of, but not enough to pull out, we're talking some SERIOUS appendage here. So I'd just have to wait until the Erect-0l, and maybe the Zuban, wore off.

Of COURSE this is when Kathryn28 walked in. She was laughing so hard, the blow-job just didn't happen.

This happens to everybody, right?