Just ran into my father. Have avoided him for four years, since my parent's divorce, summer 2001. I'm really suddenly totally out of it, mildly queasy and out of balance. He stopped by my mother's business to drop off his annual christmas presents. He said he would want to meet me again for a longer chat. I said maybe not for a few days, weeks, months or years. I didn't feel like being more precise.

Forgiveness is a strange quality. It's an emotional investment for me--my hope is that someone is worth forgiving, and that in some way, through a stronger friendship or mutual growth, I/we benefit from it. I can't find forgiveness for this man, though, lately, I have been occasionally regretting not finding it.

I do question how long I have the right to alienate someone for the crime of disrupting a marriage. That's one of those unanswerable questions, though.

*shudder* Disoriented, wobbly, suddenly tired.