I feel so stifled right now! My job's not creative, it's all numbers (though I can get the numbers to do neat tricks, and there's been a lot of problem solving lately). I want to write, but when I get the time off, I don't have anything to write about (this is a lack of discipline more than anything else, I think). I think I'm just thwarting myself left and right. This is probably my annual bout with Seasonal Affected Disorder or Winter Blahs or whatever, though it's so hard to tell if I'm having seasonal depression, or if (05) I'm having relationship angst from suddenly being "the other woman", (04) I lost a roommate to a motercycle accident, (03) the crush from hell has rendered me highly disfunctional for the last four months (this may be a stretch, but it was felt most keenly in the winter), (02) I broke up with my girlfriend but for financial reasons have to live with her, (01) I'd taken on my first rent payment but can't for the life of me get a job, (00) My dad left my mom in November, took all his stuff, and filed for divorce Valentine's Day.
Long and short of it, I really don't like the winter. Bad things tend to happen. This one's been relatively nice, I've gotten a raise, Whines moved in, all my roommates are paying rent--works been a struggle lately, but that's a standard part of life, and they gave me a 4% raise.
I can't tell the cause and affect. It's probably both--the horrible things tend to happen in the winter *anyway*, but the emotional stuff that's low-key (like the nightmare unrequited love thing in '03 and the winter breakup in '02) are magnified by winter depression to unmanagable levels.
Blah. Come on, spring! I'm going to shoot, skin and grill me a prognosticating groundhog now, that bugger gave me another six weeks of this gloom...
moody