Spotty Logic (spottylogic) wrote,
Spotty Logic

In the Beginning:

JHVH-1: Because you have eatened--eated--ate--eaten, that's it--from the Tree of Life, which yea is against my direct orders and is high in carbs, all the days of your life you shall toil.

ADAM: I'm already married.

JHVH-1: Worse. (ADAM looks incredulous) You shall have a menial desk job, for which you will have to wear more clothes.

ADAM: A second leaf? Where would I put it?

JHVH-1: A second leaf, sometimes a tie. You won't like ties, that was the Serpent running wild in design.

ARTIE: I was inspired with that one. You'll like the double Winsor knot, it's particularly traumatic.

ADAM: But I still get to wear the leaf, right? I like the leaf.

ARTIE: Trust me, you'll need more than the leaf. Or at least you'll need a bigger leaf. Hey, why didn't you create me in your image, too? Except for the hair.

JHVH-1: I'm omniscient and I can't figure out what you're talking about.

ADAM: He likes my leaf.

ARTIE: That's it. Anyway, tell him about the worst part.

JHVH-1: Right. And as you toil in the second floor, Accounts Recievable, you shall work by the sweat of your brow, because the air conditioning shuts off at four, and there shall be naught to slake your thirst but office coffee.

ADAM: That doesn't sound so bad. I like coffee.

ARTIE: This isn't the Eden house blend.

JHVH-1: It shall be thin and watery, for your trespasses. And your co-workers shall not refill it, it shall always be not quite enough to satisfy your needs, unless you doth top it off with office decaf.

ADAM: Is that bad?

ARTIE: Remember when you were eating dirt?

ADAM: I don't like dirt.

ARTIE: You won't like office decaf.

JHVH-1: And there shall be napkins, and they shall be abraisive, and there shall be co-workers at the coffee pot, and they, too, shall be abraisive, for they serve my works.

ADAM: I really didn't like the Tree of Knowledge that much. Can I give it back?

JHVH-1: No.

ADAM: Well, what about the woman you gave me?

JHVH-1: For her, she shall do much the same, but in high heels and for less money.

ADAM: I guess that's fair.
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