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Winter gloom.

Bleah. Having a down moment.

The house is filled with crapola. I've got a couple of massive things that I can't get rid of -- like my beautiful bowling alley couch, and my library and clothing takes up a lot of space, so I could fill a two-bed apartment by myself, but *most* of it is really good stuff. And my kitchen supplies are huge, but I do use that stuff on a regular basis. Whines and Larina both exhibit packrat tendencies, and with Whines we unexpectedly had to shove his lifetime collection of stuff into ours, so there's some disorder there. Anyway, it's getting to where it's physically hard to move in the garage.

I really want to move, I feel like I'm going stir-crazy at Chukar--truth be told, I've been wanting to move since last summer, but...finances.

Money. Not enough, not enough to put any serious money into savings. And I've been spending more. I'm too mopey to cook, so we've been going out more. And I always spend more money in the winter. Bleah.

Friends. My social life feels just...off. I don't know why. The dynamics are way the heck different than they were last year. A lot of the old relationships got reorganized, and some of my friends have just changed over time, and I don't really relate to them well anymore.

Energy. Lots, but no focus and no stamina. I can come up with tons of ideas and things to do, but I can't hold myself to them long enough to get to the reward.

Work. TONS of bad energy around the office. We keep losing people. Desperation is setting in.

Food. I want to stop worrying about what I'm eating and go back to not caring, but I gain weight when I do that. Everything's more expensive and I have to eat the same darn things when we go out to eat. And I can't have dessert unless I make it. Which I don't have the energy to do.

This is the sort of thing that leads to a mid-life crisis. I don't know what I can do to change my life. I just got a promotion, recently changed religions, switched sexual orientations and had an affair with a married man. I can't AFFORD a red sportscar (though that's not really the issue, you just buy the red sportscar and worry about the bills alter).

I hate hate hate the winter. I always get this heavy malaise, like a thick, wet wool blanket thrown over everything. I'm still functional, but everything's tiring, and I can't work out what to do about any of it.


( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 7th, 2007 08:17 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I don't think you are old enough to have a midlife crisis Spotty. :)
I certainly know about the money thing. I don't make enough for anything to go into savings, but that is the point of searching for another job. At least for me. And I personally am not looking at houses, but I know I'll need a car in the future so that would be my main goal.

As for your diet, well diets aren't necessarily healthy for your body either. They always say exercise is the best thing so maybe just make a couple of gym nights and go do some exercises each week. It's probably healthier than dieting. At least to me, diets always seem so sketchy. I'm on a diet of fattenings! *laughs* It's not all that great really, it'd be helpful if I liked more desserts.

And you know you are probably the most inventive person I've met at cooking stuff. You said your stamina is low, don't forget that calories are also energy and the less of those you have the less energy there is. It's true if you have excess it would go towards weight. But everything we do takes calories, even breathing. Just keep all that in mind. I got this lecture from my nutritionist. ;p Feel better spotty spot!
Feb. 7th, 2007 09:29 pm (UTC)
My diet's pretty low-key, I'm basically not eating bread, rice, and dessert. That's pretty much it. I don't think that's figuring into my tired, I think it's just winter blahs. However, it's frustrating that I can't indulge in Bluebell White Chocolate Almond therepy!
Feb. 7th, 2007 08:33 pm (UTC)
you should come over to our house fri night :)
Feb. 7th, 2007 09:28 pm (UTC)
What's happening Friday?
Feb. 7th, 2007 11:18 pm (UTC)
same thing that happens every friday. magic cards, decompression, bad movies (or survival shows on TV), and if anyone's in the mood, cupcakes.
Feb. 8th, 2007 03:51 pm (UTC)
Hmm--would you send me directions at
I'll see if Whines is interested. We just destroyed the living room last night and there's a bookshelf in the garage door now, so we might have to make the house livable again...not sure...
Feb. 9th, 2007 08:22 pm (UTC)
Ach, the offer sounds good, but my partner just destroyed the living room! It's going to take days to excavate, so we may end up doing that instead. Thank you, tho!
Feb. 7th, 2007 09:09 pm (UTC)
Oh Spotty, that whole relating to people thing is killer. I really wish I could get to know ya better, but it just seems like we don't really connect on any level at all.
Feb. 7th, 2007 09:27 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I know, I'm a bit of a greymuzzle, and we don't have much in common. *shrug* I'm happy to know you, even if just as someone who shares a similer pattern of orbits and friends, though!
Feb. 8th, 2007 03:57 pm (UTC)
I should clarify--you're a neat person, and I sincerely *am* happy to know you, that wasn't just a standardized response.
Feb. 7th, 2007 09:21 pm (UTC)
"Energy. Lots, but no focus and no stamina. I can come up with tons of ideas and things to do, but I can't hold myself to them long enough to get to the reward."

If you find a solution to this, please share it with me. This is the sort of phenomenon that's plagued most of the things I do.
Feb. 7th, 2007 09:26 pm (UTC)
It's a symptom of some forms of depression. It's also tied into seasonal affective disorder, for me. I'm going to buy one of those ultra-bright lamps. Maybe that'll help.
Feb. 7th, 2007 09:40 pm (UTC)
I don't think I have seasonal affective disorder, but I do know that if I intend to get the house cleaned, I must turn on every single light in the house and open all the blinds. Ken used to mock me about it when he'd come home and find the place practically ablaze, until I told him that my housecleaning abilities were powered by photosynthesis. I've even gone so far a few times as to change out the light bulbs for brighter ones.

Having music that I associate with a particular task seems to help me stay focused on it.
Feb. 7th, 2007 11:19 pm (UTC)
you just made me giggle out loud.

i do the same thing, but add scented candles, rock music, and DIY/home improvement shows on the TV.
Feb. 8th, 2007 01:22 am (UTC)
Well, I actually rather like the winter and this energy without focus thing has been more or less the status quo for about five or six years now. As for depression, I can't possibly get depressed! After all, I'm a psych major!

In any case, I really hope you start feeling better. I can't say that we're all that much more than long term acquaintances, but I really have enjoyed the conversations we've had over the last couple of years or so, and, from everything I've seen, you're one of the rare sorts of truly good people out there. :)
Feb. 8th, 2007 12:05 pm (UTC)
Today in England we got snow for the first time ina couple of years. Winter's very dissapointing for the most part, but occasionally it can turn up the odd good day. And besides, it's mid-february, you'll be in the middle of an annoyingly hot and bright summer before you know it!
Feb. 8th, 2007 03:50 pm (UTC)
Snow? Wow! I actually saw snow a few weeks ago. Granted, it turned into slurry when it touched the ground, but it was pretty amazing stuff! It doesn't snow in England? I had imagined that it would, but my experience would be limited to watching "Scrooge" 78 times.
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )