Spotty Logic (spottylogic) wrote,
Spotty Logic

Winter gloom.

Bleah. Having a down moment.

The house is filled with crapola. I've got a couple of massive things that I can't get rid of -- like my beautiful bowling alley couch, and my library and clothing takes up a lot of space, so I could fill a two-bed apartment by myself, but *most* of it is really good stuff. And my kitchen supplies are huge, but I do use that stuff on a regular basis. Whines and Larina both exhibit packrat tendencies, and with Whines we unexpectedly had to shove his lifetime collection of stuff into ours, so there's some disorder there. Anyway, it's getting to where it's physically hard to move in the garage.

I really want to move, I feel like I'm going stir-crazy at Chukar--truth be told, I've been wanting to move since last summer, but...finances.

Money. Not enough, not enough to put any serious money into savings. And I've been spending more. I'm too mopey to cook, so we've been going out more. And I always spend more money in the winter. Bleah.

Friends. My social life feels I don't know why. The dynamics are way the heck different than they were last year. A lot of the old relationships got reorganized, and some of my friends have just changed over time, and I don't really relate to them well anymore.

Energy. Lots, but no focus and no stamina. I can come up with tons of ideas and things to do, but I can't hold myself to them long enough to get to the reward.

Work. TONS of bad energy around the office. We keep losing people. Desperation is setting in.

Food. I want to stop worrying about what I'm eating and go back to not caring, but I gain weight when I do that. Everything's more expensive and I have to eat the same darn things when we go out to eat. And I can't have dessert unless I make it. Which I don't have the energy to do.

This is the sort of thing that leads to a mid-life crisis. I don't know what I can do to change my life. I just got a promotion, recently changed religions, switched sexual orientations and had an affair with a married man. I can't AFFORD a red sportscar (though that's not really the issue, you just buy the red sportscar and worry about the bills alter).

I hate hate hate the winter. I always get this heavy malaise, like a thick, wet wool blanket thrown over everything. I'm still functional, but everything's tiring, and I can't work out what to do about any of it.
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