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*insert anguished primal scream here*

They've...discontinued Hellman's spicy chili mayo :(

*clutches HEB's last eight bottles...my precious...*


( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 9th, 2007 06:30 am (UTC)
XD. Oh, so that's why you say no one will touch it and it is yours. =) But you know, those things DO expire eventually. *laughs*
Mar. 9th, 2007 01:06 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but if they take a year to expire, I think I'll be fine--I only got six bottles.

What, just because they've got an expiration date, you think you're getting some? Silly folf-creature.
Mar. 9th, 2007 08:12 pm (UTC)
Let it be known. I can raid your fridge! ;)
Mar. 9th, 2007 07:34 am (UTC)

Oh Spot. Once again your interest in obscure prodcut has doomed a niche market to lose it's sole supplier.

Why do you make things fail :(
Mar. 9th, 2007 01:04 pm (UTC)
But...hot and spicy mayo was sooo good. Better than wasabi mayo, which, I guess, was also cancelled.

Maybe people can't handle that much excitement in their mayo. *sigh*
Mar. 9th, 2007 01:27 pm (UTC)
You can make your own chili and wasabi flavored mayo. Just mix in some chili or wasabi powder. I have been doing that with chipotle chili powder to make chipotle mayo. Yummy!
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:26 pm (UTC)
Hmm...that's a fairly simple solution, and I think I know where to get chipotle chili powder. Thanks!
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:40 pm (UTC)
Why not just ask them for the recipe and make your own?
Mar. 9th, 2007 04:12 pm (UTC)
I can't pronounce some of Hellman's ingredients :) Mayo's actually a fairly simple formula, from what I remember (Eggs, oil...) I'm just selectively lazy on some things.
Mar. 9th, 2007 02:32 pm (UTC)
Yeah, there was no chipotle mayo when we were shopping yesterday. I was greatly saddened. :(
Mar. 9th, 2007 02:34 pm (UTC)
*clutches bottles with hissing sound*

Hopefully, they'll bring something new in. I really enjoyed the wasabi mayo they made for a while, that was tastey. I'm sad about this one, it was SOOO good on the veggie black bean patties :(
Mar. 9th, 2007 02:40 pm (UTC)
But.. you can just MAKE some.
Mar. 9th, 2007 03:25 pm (UTC)
People keep saying that...but, and I know nobody in their right mind would say I'm a lazy cook, I don't wanna bother making my damned condiments. That's just a line I have a hard time crossing. Ketchup, mustard and mayo should be in the fridge, bought from HEB for under $2, loaded up with so many darned preservatives that they actually keep the food NEAR them slightly fresher.

And then there's the delightful noises the squeeze bottles make.

Asterisk's idea of just stirring in a little chili chiplltle powder might be a good compromise, though.
Mar. 9th, 2007 05:34 pm (UTC)
Every one espousing the argument, "make it at home," are missing the bigger picture. If Spot's McFoodKink here ended up reproducing, at home, every freakish little discontinued product he's mourned the loss of, we may very well never see this man again. He would become this sad shell of mad desire, bringing obscurity to life in his quiet little, messy, frightening corner.

He would produce massive vats of quirky condiments: Those maddeningly strange flavors which either market demand did not justify, or the red eyed woman, who seemed the only one capable of producing such madness, finally succumb to her own inner evil, leaving employees with neither earthly clue, nor the sufficient willpower, to create more. Those close to spot will know when such an event occurs. One working at his local grocer may find him, in a rare aggressive stance, purchasing disproportionate amounts of the last remaining stock. Readers further may be able to place the mournful, far off cry, which we may at first mistake as a mother losing her final offspring. Indeed, a hyena has lost his prey.

As the number of failed products Spot clings to rises, a pattern emerges. I believe that market research will show that any significantly niche product that our hyena loves appropriately, is sentenced to eventual failure. Perhaps it would serve companies, who look to turn a niche profit, well to send this individual a letter of pleading: "Please do not love our product. Please do not do to us whatever you have done to the others."

And so he cannot simply make it at home. He'd be at home making all the various oddities at all hours of the day and night. Some of you are smiling at this: Yes, it's form of madness, but think of the deliciousness from that hyena's kitchen! Those with this argument are equally mislead. Here, our own selfishness may overcome our love for Spot. Perhaps we may overcome our own avarice through darker emotions. An unnamed folf, living with spotty, describes the new levels of fear in the household: "He told me, 'these [8 bottles of discontinued Hellman's] are not for you. These are not for whines. These are only for me.' And then he hugged them, and hissed at me." Spotty would make delicious strangeeness, scents to which some of us might find ourselves drawn...drawn to our certain doom. We would do well to not encourage such madness.
Mar. 9th, 2007 07:13 pm (UTC)
There, then. I think that settles everything.
Mar. 9th, 2007 07:32 pm (UTC)
can I double space it and turn it in to you tommorow? :(
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )