Spotty Logic (spottylogic) wrote,
Spotty Logic

28 Weeks Later--

Bad, bad, bad. Well, astoundingly mediocre, compared to the first movie, which was, by zombie movie standards, pretty sharp.

Scene: Mom and Dad are having tea.
Dad: I love your superfluous third nipple.
*camera lingers over third nipple*
Mom: Thanks. It'd be terrible if zombies came and ate us.
Zombies: RAR! *Camera focuses on a stroble light for a while*
Dad: Gosh, look at the time, must be going.
Mom: I'd like it if you'd maybe help me, so I'd be less eaten?
Dad: No, must dash. TTFN!

Scene: Airport
Boy: Gosh, it's good to be back from Belgium. I wonder how mom and dad are doing?
Girl: Eh, I don't know, we never listen to them anyhow.
Doctor: Welcome to England. I notice you have a superfluous third nipple. That's really rare.
*camera lingers over third nipple*
Boy: Yes, mom has one, too.
Doctor: It runs in families, you know. I see your sister only has two pert young teats.
Girl: Hey!
Doctor: I'm going to follow the two of you for the rest of the movie, okay?

Scene: Apartment
Dad: So, basically I run everything. [direct quote from movie]
Kids: Whoopie.
Dad: See this key? I can get, like everywhere. Girl's locker room? No problem.
Kids: When's mom coming home?
Dad: Rock concerts, too. Backstage pass.
Kids: Have you seen mom anywhere?
Dad: Well, no, she's dead.
Kids: Well, that sucks. Can we go see her anyway?
Dad: No, the rest of the world's pretty much entirely off limits to prevent a terrible zombie plague that would destroy all of humanity if it were to spread.
Kids: We'll just go out the back door, then.

Scene: Backdoor
Kids: We're just going for a walk in the plague-ridden part of London.
Military Guy: Y'all kids have fun.
Kids: Bye!

Scene: London
Girl: Look, it's our old house! Yay!
Boy: Look, it's our old mom! Yay!
Military Guy: We've got your ride home waiting for you outside. Oh, who's the broad?

Scene: Hospital. Camera lingers over third nipple.
Doctor: She's immune to the plague, but she's still got it. It's probably something to do with her superfluous third nipple.
Other Doctor: Well, we'll just leave her here, then. Be a shame if someone with a key to every door in the city wandered in.
Doctor: Nah, that'd never happen. Only her husband's got that. No worries!


Dad: Honey, I'm home! I'll just kiss you now that I've left every door in the compound open.
*Kiss, bloody rampage*

Scene: Military office
Commander: Did you lock everyone up in a room with only one entrance?
Army Guy: Check, and check.
Commander: And use regulation flimsy lock #16?
Army Guy: No, Cracker Jack bought all those. We had to go with #25.
Commander: Cool. Basically, we're going to kill everything that moves for the rest of the movie.
Army Guy: What's my motivation?
Commander: You're American.

*Insert 20 minutes of strobe light with late 90's metal score*

Scene: Edge of town
Nice Army Guy: Look, zombies! We'll have to order a helicopter rescue! Luckily, our helicopters have razor-plated rotors--we had some really tough hedges in 'Nam.
*Nice Army Guy dies*
Kids: Maybe we'll just take a subway.
Dad: RAR! *bites boy*
Boy: Where'd he come from?
Girl: *shoots dad* Now, my plague-ridden brother, let's go make sure there's a sequel!
Boy: Yay!

No film should rely on six heavy suspension of disbelief strainers in the first 15 minutes of the film. *tsks* No actual scares, just...flashbang. Bleah.

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