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Why do all ancient prophecies concern the falling of a mighty wizard, the destruction of an empire, the birth of a once and future king? Are there any ancient, crumbling tomes or crystal balls that fortell the birth of a pretty good tax accountant or marketing project manager?

Well, why not?

I'd like to know that somewhere there was a sybil that threw her head back in an ecstatic trance, and fortold "Lo, in the dying years of the second millenium hence, there shall be born a child who will grow into a man wise in the ways of Excel, and he shall make the occasional clever remark or cake, and donate many dinarii to an 'Adopt a hyena' fund."

Everyone should have a prophetic omen of their birth.


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 15th, 2007 08:57 pm (UTC)
That's a great quote! Thanks! :)
Oct. 15th, 2007 09:01 pm (UTC)
So what you're saying is that you need to write a macro such that when you do anything particularly impressive in a spreadsheet, you can insert "Once again, it is the legend!" into the next cell?
Oct. 15th, 2007 09:06 pm (UTC)
...yes. That's it, exactly. This thing would give my life meaning.
Oct. 15th, 2007 09:10 pm (UTC)
One of the ways I greet people on furry muck is, "Herefox pokes as was foretold in ancient prophecy."

One of these years I'm going to write a story about a seer that needs to do seemingly random stuff to make the future she wants come to pass such as:

Julie watched with baited breath as Cassandra approached the man upon who history turned. Would she kill him? Tell him something vitally important? Would she...

Cassandra reached out and visciously poked him in the ribs, making him jump and swear as she melted back through the crowd and back to Julie's side.

Julie closed her mouth with a snap, "What was that?"

"It was what was needed," Cassandra said, carefully not meeting Julie's eyes.

"You just poked him though! You're not telling me you POKED HIM ACCORDING TO ANCIENT PROPHECY?!?" Julie said through clenched teeth.

Cass shrugged, her cheeks a bit pink with embarrassment, "I never said that creating the future was exciting..."
Oct. 16th, 2007 02:13 am (UTC)
Oct. 16th, 2007 01:18 pm (UTC)
Seers have this problem ALL THE TIME.

Seer: I see! I SEE! I see a great pool, no, a river of blood, sloshing through the streets of a great city. Thunder cracks the sky, shattering it like glass, and through the fissures fall hundreds of tiny little fish --

Seeker: And what does that even mean?

Seer: Haven't the foggiest. It does happen every time a Republican is elected, though. But it also happened that one time round steak went on sale.
Oct. 16th, 2007 01:21 pm (UTC)
Bwahahah...round steak...heh...
Oct. 16th, 2007 01:30 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I play a seer on a MUSH; this happens all the time. I'll get these really awesome splendid wonderful visions and they're entirely unhelpful.

Last time (and I must add at this point that she's very proper and British and repressed and kind of Mary Poppins if Mary Poppins was slightly more Cassandraic), she just finally went to the people she usually goes to to give visions.

"I realize," she said, "that you have rather little patience with cryptic visions. Regardless, it is my duty to give them unto you. Therefore, I shall give you the meat of the matter."

Then she leaned forward and waved her arms and boggled her eyes and screamed "DOOOOOOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! DOOM! DOOM! DOOOOOOOOM!"

Then she straightened, tidied her hair, straightened her dress, nodded, walked to the door. Turned around. "DOOOOOM!" Walked out.

Them: Check please.
Oct. 16th, 2007 01:40 pm (UTC)
"...and the third part of the corn shall eat the lean cows, while in the sky a red star shall shine forth, marking a great victory, and a crushing defeat, and possibly the birth of a two-headed oxen. The oxen shall be a SAVIOR to the lost people of East Pickwick, and they shall overthrow their masters, and a great parliementary seat shall be lost..."

"Look...I just wanted to know which way the Rio Grande campus is. Short form, please. Is it this way? I'll just go this way."
Oct. 16th, 2007 01:45 pm (UTC)
That's it, I'm going to go write something funny.

And if I could draw I might just make it a webcomic.
Oct. 16th, 2007 01:47 pm (UTC)
Feh. You draw well enough for a webcomic, I've seen.
Oct. 16th, 2007 01:50 pm (UTC)
I draw well enough for xkcd, possibly...
Oct. 16th, 2007 01:52 pm (UTC)
Well..."draw well enough for a web comic" isn't precisely a compliment :) But it was well-meant. The sketch-outliny stuff you draw with a little color would be quite passable.
Oct. 16th, 2007 09:37 pm (UTC)
"What are our chances in our quest?"

"Death, blood, destruction!"

"What should I do about my girlfriend?"

"Destruction, death, blood!"

"What carebear should I buy my nephew?"

"Blood, destruction, death!"

"Right, Apocolypse Bear it is."
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )

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