Spotty Logic (spottylogic) wrote,
Spotty Logic
spottylogic

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Lola

(loosely based on a post by paka, thanks for the inspiration! With apologies to The Kinks and Weird Al...)

I met her in a graveyard in Waterdeep
She wore black robes and had a mangey cat named Ebola
(Ebo, bo bo, bola).
She walked up to me to see if I had a pulse.
I asked her her name, and in a sepulchral voice she said Lola,
L-o-l-a, lola, lo-lo-lo-lo-lola.

Well, I don't really have the world's highest stats,
So I fell to her charms, and her zombie rats,
Oh my Lola.
I'm a 4th ed. Wizard, so I sure was surprised
When she cast a spell from 3.5,
Oh my Lola, lo-lo-lo-lo Lola, lo-lo-lo-lo Lola--

She chanted in Abyssal and her eyes turned red,
And she threw a quickened Animate Dead.
Well I'm not dumb, but I can't understand
how she cast that spell just by waving her hand,
I've looked through the index, but it's not inside,
'Cause there aren't zombie rules in the player's guide,
Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola, Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola--

I rolled for surprise,
I pulled out my sword,
I called on Pelor,
but she smote me instead--
And there's more than one way to turn undead--

Well, maybe I might want to be a wight,
I'd change my class to Crimson Acolyte, for my Lola,
Lo-lo-lo-lo-Lola.
Ashes turn to ashes, and dust turns to dust,
I've got no life, but that's kind of a plus, if you're Lola.
Lo-lo-lo-lo-Lola.

I'd reached Paragon just a week before,
and I'd never switched alignment before.
I'm not the world's most spontaneous guy,
but I'm gonna give Chaotic Evil a try.

Worshipping Orcus is ethically gray,
and I know I'm a minion, but that's okay,
it's for Lola,
Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola,
Lo-lo-lo-lo-Lola.
Tags: humor
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