Solution: MS Publisher, print directly to envelope on color printer.
Problem 1: MS Publisher will not print onto envelopes except in Profile. Text illegible, sideways.
Solution: Create custom page size that exactly matches the evelope size.
Elapsed time: 1 hour, 24 minutes.
Pat self on back.
Go to desk to stuff envelopes.
Heat from photocopier-color printer has sealed all envelopes shut.
[Edit: Repeat with Black and White copier.
Adjust paper-loading brackets to fit envelope.
Copier: "Not expecting that size of paper. Please adjust brackets."
Adjust brackets. No change.
Adjust brackets. Explain to copier, "You will be recieving envelopes. Isn't that lovely?"
Give up. Print to labels.]