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The devil trolled the forums, he was looking for some game –
He was in a fix, 'cause Harmonix was poaching on his claim.
When he read a post by Jon69 bragging 'bout the highest score around,
Four hundred thousand and three on Toxicity, by System of a Down.
The devil posted "Johnny, you got a damn fine score,
But sure as my name’s Lucifer, I'd get 50,000 more.
I've got a gold guitar that says I'll win, to show I'm not a choad—
You lose, I get your soul. I'll let you play in Easy mode."
Jonny replied, "LOL Satan, that's a crappy bet for you –
Bring that guitar to Austin, make sure it fits a Playstation 2."

Johnny, double-check your plugs
and charge your batteries,
'Cause Hell's broke loose in Rock Band
and the devil's brought his WII.
And if you win, you get a shiny gold guitar control,
But if you lose, the Devil gets your soul...

The devil set up his control, and said, "Let's start this right--"
Demons took guitar and drums, with Kirt Cobain on mic.
He plugged in his bass guitar and all the lights went dark,
His score turned to a blur, his WII coughed smoke and sparks--

[Insert some high points from Coheed and Cambria's "Welcome Home" here. If there are any.]

When the Devil finished, Johnny said, "Not bad, but kinda gay.
You just sit down, this is MY round--let me show you how to play."

And he sang, "I pledge allegiance…To the United States of..TIMMAAAAAAAH!!!!"

The devil muttered "Fuck," because he knew that he'd been p0wn’d--
He dumped that shiny gold guitar in front of Jonny's throne.
Johnny said, "Hey, Satan, come back whenever, next time I'll buy the brew—
And bring some golden drums, and a diamond mic, 'cause I just got Rock Band II!"

And he sang, "TIMMAAAH! Timmy living a lie!!!!"


( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 29th, 2008 03:30 pm (UTC)
*snork* Can I quote you (or whoever wrote it)?
Oct. 29th, 2008 03:39 pm (UTC)
Surely :) Maybe I'll get around to finishing it before Halloween.
Oct. 29th, 2008 06:31 pm (UTC)
May I also quote you on this to a friend of mine who knows people at Harmonix? hehe
Oct. 29th, 2008 06:39 pm (UTC)
Sure, I just finished the rest of it :)
Oct. 29th, 2008 05:39 pm (UTC)
That was great!
Oct. 29th, 2008 06:39 pm (UTC)
Thx :) Just finished it!
Oct. 29th, 2008 05:53 pm (UTC)
Ha! Rhyming Harmonix with anything is pure win. I was going to point out a factual inconsistency in your tale, but then I remembered to stop being such an incredibly huge nerd.

-- stevie, mielikki's Rock Band addict friend

P.S. I don't think you and I have met, but I notice that my overlap with your LJ friends/friend-of lists is intriguingly sparse yet diverse.
Oct. 29th, 2008 06:40 pm (UTC)
Is it about the scores, and the fact that Easy mode gets you fewer points than Expert? I confess, I don't actually play...
Oct. 29th, 2008 06:48 pm (UTC)
Heh. You've got most of my active, artsy-alternative people :) Hanzatu and I met a few years ago, but that's about as much as I know her - Apryl and I talk pretty frequently, though :)
Oct. 29th, 2008 07:55 pm (UTC)
All right, I will expose my nerdiness. It's that "Toxicity" isn't currently available as a song for Rock Band on PlayStation 2 (or Wii, for that matter, at least not quite yet), only Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. And hell, as long as I'm being a pedantic nerd anyway, 400,000 points is an impossibly high score for solo guitar on that song -- the actual high score is around 157,000.

There is absolutely no need to take anything in this comment at all seriously.
Oct. 29th, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC)
Ah, interesting. I did a little bit of googling and someone reported a high score of something in the 220,000s for
Toxicity, so I padded it out a bit...so, yes, impossibly high was what I was hoping for, but not insanely, unimaginably high...got the name from Wikipedia, which listed it, but sadly, I don't know the game enough to be really accurate.

In my defense, tho, I was trying to say that the song was available for Rock Band One, not Two, so I think that's okay?
Oct. 29th, 2008 08:31 pm (UTC)
Let me again disclaim how completely bizarre and ridiculous it is that I brought any of this up in the first place. But I am interpreting (perhaps over-eagerly) your question mark as a request for further information.

In your defense, your little ditty sort of vaguely implies that Johnny was a solo guitar player but doesn't claim that explicitly. What scores are possible depends entirely on what instruments, and especially how many instruments, are playing. As it happens, 220,000 is significantly (but not insanely or unimaginably!) higher than any single-player high score for Toxicity, but would be pretty mediocre for even a two-person band. I can only conclude that the someone you found is lame :-)

As for the availability, the point is that Toxicity isn't on the *disc* for any Rock Band game whatsoever...you have to download it. Only an infinitesimal portion of PlayStation 2's in the world have hard drives, therefore they don't bother implementing downloadable songs for the PlayStation 2 games.
Oct. 29th, 2008 08:43 pm (UTC)
Oh, totally understood :) I have my pedantic moments, too, and may get obsessive and rework this to be factitiously accurate. Probably not, but I can't rule it out. I got bored one decade and got a degree in poetry-writing, so these little imperfections are important. Somehow.

Yeah, I was kind of waffling on whether Johnny was playing on his own or not, but again, he was posting to a forum and bragging, so I cannot vouch for the honesty and integrity of my fictitious forum twerp.

Interesting about the Playstation II hard drive thing...I really don't play any video games at all, so that's worth knowing. I think I'm glad i DIDN'T know it, or I might not have finished the last verse :)

Oct. 30th, 2008 12:58 am (UTC)
The hard drive for the PS2 was an accessory that was only available if you bought Final Fantasy XI, which incidentally happens to be the only game that actively supports the accessory. The Wii and PS2 versions instead have expansion discs with certain songs, but only a fraction of the songs available for download on the 360 and PS3 are available on the discs.

The PS2 hard drive was a waste of money, IMO.

Complete list of all songs available through download for the PS3 and 360

Songs lists on the expansion discs, only one of which has actually come out yet.

Track list for Rock Band 1 (on disc)

Track list for Rock Band 2 (on disc)
All but three songs on the Rock Band 1 disc can be ported to Rock Band 2.

Have fun with more trivia than you wanted. My geekery was challenged.
Oct. 31st, 2008 03:34 am (UTC)
Ugh.. >< I hate the Timmy song... *partial lobotomy with icepick*
Dec. 23rd, 2008 03:54 am (UTC)
*grins* The fiddle solo would be replaced by the sound of clicking plastic buttons.
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )