Spotty Logic (spottylogic) wrote,
Spotty Logic

[fades] in UU hell!

So this Sunday my church committee is doing their annual "Connections Fair," wherin every little group in the church puts up a table and shows their stuff. This event is my baby, the big thing that I do every year for the church.

One part of this is the church's program guide, a booklet that lists ALL the groups and programs. It's a fair bit of work to put that together, we've got like 65 little groups!

This year, one of my committee members took that on, and she did a very good job of it, but was having some graphics problems--which we fixed with a magic marker, but it did add a sense of deadline doom to the thing, since we did that this morning.

I've scheduled a long lunch break, from 11:00 to 2:30, to photocopy 250 or so of these 12-page booklets, each one with a good cardstock cover, plain paper interior.

Secretary: "So we'll just double-sided print job the cover, print those seperately, then use a "cover" function to bind it all together."
Copier: "No. I don't want to. That's too much work."
Apparently, it doesn't DO double-sided cardstock printing. I can see that. So...I side-load it, then flip them over to print on the other side.
Copier: BeeP BeeP BeeP!!!
No, apparently you can't do that because you can only print something once.
Secretary: Yeah, there's a mode you can put it in, for already printed paper.
*she presses some buttons*
Copier: Yay!
One copy, two copies, jam.
Me: Crapola, I see where this is going.
I do about 50 covers on this beast before switching to the old 1995 copier, which works just fine, if a little slowly.

Secretary comes back to help me with using a cover function. Like a good teacher, she has me press the buttons, so I've got it down in a moment.

Copier turns out one perfect booklet.
Press "1" again.
Copier turns out one perfect booklet.
Secretary leaves to go to work.
I press "10" and print.
Copier: BeeP BeeP BeeP!!!
Argh! The beast is jamming one booklet in 3. I start doing two at a time, whcih works okay, then it starts jamming every other, finally it jams several times in the same booklet. I can't get it to STOP because it doesn't cancel easily when it jams.


After 45 minutes to print 10 booklets, I change plans, ditch the nice quality recycled paper (bear in mind we do try to be environmentally thoughtful in the UU, it's a denominational commitment). I start doing basic 8.5x11 with an orange, basic colored paper cover.

Copier is jamming every other booklet.

Sometimes, it cheerfully SPITS paper out, landing as much as two feet away. Wheee!

I study it--basically it'll print one booklet, then staple the next one to the first one, then lock up entirely. Oh, great.

So, I set up a rhythm. Print two, remove the first, hand-staple the second. It's sloooow, and my lunch break is drawing to a close.

Then, it starts jamming reliably every booklet. Argh.

Finally, I've got about 20 minutes left on my break--so, I give up. I press a few buttons to set up a "8.5x11,double-sided, one-staple, black and white" job.

It prints.
It prints. Bear in mind, it's printing about 130 of these.
Three minutes before I have to be 10 miles away for a conference call.
I'm packing up, cleaning up...and...
my budget on the copier runs out, five booklets before the job's over. I'm a committee head, I didn't even know I HAD a limit!


Basically, since my denomination doesn't believe in heaven--except as a metaphor for an ideal reality on earth--this is, by extension, hell. Wheee!

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